That's me towards my mum!
Ok i dunno wat is so freakin wrong with me. I get irritated very easily with my mum. These past few days, i have juz been surpressin myself, holdin my tongue from lashin out at her or make really sarcastic remarks at her. But i gave her tis "Black" face all the time. Every lil thing she does makes me angry, from switchin On the radio while i was studyin, to askin my help to attach a document for her email while i'm rushin for my reports. Sometimes, actually most times, i really prefer bein ard the house Alone, where no one bugs me to do this and that and I have all the peace and time to myself. Is this a trait of an ungrateful daughter?? Good Lord, i feel so...esp. when today IS her birthday yet i am so so cold.
I really do not know what contributes to such a behaviour when it comes to my mum, i am nice and tolerant to others but not my mum, the one who is most concern abt me? hmm i hope...but so many times, i feel like she's NOT observant of her daughter yet so dependent on me, esp. when it comes to computer stuff. Grrr taught her a few times already how to use that damn email and everytime she forget! And everytime i'll get irritated when she asks me to teach her again! Fuckin hell, next time Saofiah...write down the instructions instead of gettin pissed!
It's so funny, when i feel down & troubled, i go to my dad...he got tis miracle touch. Tho he barely lifts a finger in the house and hardly talk to me, he got this magic touch my mum lacks. He doesn't even have to Open his mouth (he doesn't speak much to me anyway, most of the time when he opens his mouth, He's there to snap at me when i do somethin wrong) yet he always lifts my spirit. Same as to waking me up in the mornin...I hate my mum wakin me up. She shouts and shake me but my dad, he's different. He strokes my face gently and sit next to me and call me gently.
Kept tellin myself be nice to my mum, she's like the Backbone of tis family yet time and again, i get pissed with her. Maybe it's because I have tis certain respect for her for bein a Great Strong woman that sometimes when she asks somethin mindless or make remarks without even findin out the truth, i felt that my belief is violated? Or maybe because from young I have not been all chummy n snuggly with her that I feel strained whenever she's ard me? Arggh i dunno, it's really crazy...i'm pissed at her then afterwards i'm guilty yet the cycle goes on! Any solution here? Pls dun tell me to talk to her, we both have strong AND clashing opinions! Looks like i have much to apologise for on Eid's mornin 
--back to my lab report--
Hmmm...me its both! But i think my dad more..but maybe there are other factors that makes it so(u should know).But hey at least u have ur dad to turn to...me i dont even open up to my parents bout anything...none..i cant remeber the last time i confided in them...been that way since how long..god knows. Everything thus far i have gotten thru without involving them much.Sigh... Hmmm if ur ungreatful then im like super nonchalant bout things..even my siblings dont talk to me often...i dont know why.My parents say i too garang...hahaha..wwell i am in a way..but i know u love ur mom dont u? just as i love everyone in my family. we just show it different ways.
ReplyDeletepea, i dunno why. but i got tears in my eyes when i read this blog of urs. maybe its the effect of the raya song in the background...
ReplyDeletemasih ku rasa kan
hangat tangan mu
di pagi raya
bersalam dgn mu
parents: u love them, u loathe them. is this what being a child is all about? oh, the dilemma!
For me its the psychological side of things, daughters tend to stick close to daddy while the sons tend to be manja with the moms. Same here, I used to have little words for my dad as he was very strict on me. Gave me all the corporal punishments that made me think that my dad is the "evil" one. Everything I ask from mom. Now that everything has somewat "cooled down", I try to confide in my dad more. It's working well. Alhamdulillah..
ReplyDeleteWhat matters here I think is the mentality. Supi, u are the only child rite? Ur mum might be irritating to u but maybe its her way of asking u on how to attach a document to her email as a interaction between mum and daughter. Dun gif a black face no matter how much u hate doing it. Sedekahkan a smile. She will lighten up when she see's u smile. An act of unwillingness (tak ikhlas) will lead to misunderstandings. Love them ok, for them, they brought u to this world. And dun forget, "Syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu."
*HugZ*
Same lor for my mum... They are not as young as us that's y they are slower in catching up. Ever wonder why you are an only child? Maybe your mum is not the kind who likes children very much, that's why she doesn't open up to you or attached to you. Sometimes I find fault with my mum too, especially during PMS. Things just irritate me. Maybe we do that because we know mummy's will forgive us no matter what we do to them. Well, its not only you. Try to open up to her. Explain it that you don't like it when she on the radio, etc. At the end of the day, no matter what, we the kids are the ones who have to give in.
ReplyDeleteSophie, dont be too hard on yourself. Sometimes it happens, you may feel guilty thinking that you love your dad more than your mum but actually you love them both the same. You just didnt realize it. There's a saying that you'll only know how much you love somebody when they are no longer around.
ReplyDeleteDo something special for her birthday, it might make up for the times that you have clashes with your mum cause, mums always remembers the special things we do for them and would proudly tell their friends/colleagues and they will forget the things we do wrong because, after all, we are their children.
Dont need to talk, action speaks louder than words. Say, one day you felt guilty for making "black face" at her, buy her fave food/snack for her the next day, im sure she'll appreciate it and know that you are sorry.
Ehh Sophie relax ok! Cobaan Bulan Puasa! He3. Tapi time raya mintak mak duit raya tak? Wahahahaha.
ReplyDeletehey kak supi, i understand wat u are feelin now coz ive been or am still goin thru it..i get pissed wit my mummy like most of the time but after every episode, i calmed myself down by thinkin of all the good things and sacrifices she had done for me..im sure mak uda's sacrifices made for u is more than the irritating times she gave u..so juz look at her positive side as how she can overlook ur flaws and concentrate on ur positive traits..i know u love both pak uda n mak uda the same..they are ur pillars of strength..the same as how my mummy and daddy are my pillars of strength..we get so pissed at them but afterall they are still our parents and nuhtin in this world can change dat..we only realise how much we missed their presence only when they are gone..so whenever u get irritated with mak uda, take a deep breathe and count from 1-10..it helps sometimes..hehe..n oh yah wish mak uda HAPPY BIRTHDAY for me k.. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThat is the Very Reason why i felt BLoody Guilty for treatin her in such a bad manner. A mother is like the closest thing to heaven man...yet, tis is how she gets treated by her only child? Fucked up rite? Sigh...i juz hope she gimme some space these next few days, i dun wanna hurt her feelings nor do i wanna be insolent towards her.
ReplyDeleteTo make matters worse, wat irritates me most is when she IS actually concern for me or tryin to make small talks with me But most times, it's at a bad timing & i couldn't help myself from gettin pissed. it's really not fair to her, i am sure. that's y i am feelin the guilt!
anyway guys, i do love both my parents equally and of course i do apreciate & respect them both. i do not favour lovin my dad more, each of them have their own kinda strengths that i look up to and weakneses that i clearly accept but sometimes get pissed with.oh well, that's life as a child huh?
ok...maybe it's time i wrote her a letter/card and apologise for bein so shitty towards her eh? then i won't need to talk to her yet i'll get her to be so touched and understand my plight eh? haiii anak bertuah betul lah aku ni kan?!!
{{HugZ to All U Caring Friends & Family & Mesye of Mine,u juz saved me from crumbling to pieces...}}
yeah i noe...that's why altho my solving & analysing power sucks, u can always turn to me when u feel troubled, am here to listen n sayang u & see u make it thru the storms of ur life.
ReplyDelete