Goin on Quarter Century+ONE

In comes the sms-es, a song even courtesy of Miss Rafeeqah. My birthday is always a deadline for things and it also means that half of a year has gone.

 

A reflection on how my life has evolved, twisted and turned since i turned 25 made me realise how life is so intricate and in-ur-face that dealing with it everyday without seeking the Grace and Mercy of God is really quite impossible. My last birthday is still vivid in my mind, the Terperanjat Beruk moments, the Anna Sui makeover, the Kaki 5 chill out, the Kate Spade drama and the World Cup/Superman affair...i had major fun then! Then comes January, where fear, jitters and struggles started to steal away some of my fun, in which my late dad was hospitalised for hernia when i had to leave for Australia. The pains of leaving loved ones to pursue my dream made me wonder if i had made the right decision yet i carried on, thinkin of them n havin them in my prayers everyday at the same time experiencin and adaptin a different lifestyle in a foreign country. So far the first half of 2007 has been a real learning, eye-opening, mind-bending, tough decision-makin experience and life has not quite been as tralala-goin as before. Never have i been challenged so much in dealin with life's obstacles, one after another they escalate, whereby the latest of course, is work & probably my mum's condition. Never have i felt so much pain to such an extent that i juz wanna clam up n hide in my own shell (trait of a Cancerian?) Yet here i am, goin on 26 in age. Maybe it's a process of makin me a lil bit more mentally matured and emotionally sensitive...or be more responsible towards my loved ones, perhaps?

Friends asked me what i want for my birthday. The only desire I had for the past few months was this: "Peace of mind". And it's comin true! Alhamdulillah. I am finally able to breathe a lil easier now and hopefully those storms in my head will subside and that sunny days will shine upon me soon. Despite of all the setbacks, mistakes and obstacles, I shall keep on movin forward, lookin ahead, makin decisions with no regrets with the guidance of my Lord.

July looks more promisin...A graduation, a resignation and a birthday celebration. It's time for joy to take over...and it'll begin later TODAY. Lookin forward to my lil birthday rendezvous in the gardens...*sheepish smile* it's sweeter if i can be walkin & twirlin around on the grass barefeet! Ahhh i'm so ready for that~

 

Blessed be, everyone & have a lovely week end!

 

i just wanna feel...

i've decided to throw in the towel. such a huge waste of an opportunity but i just feel that i can't hold on for long. my spirit has wilted, and all i want right now is just to drop everyrthin and have time for myself. i'm tired, juz so so tired...i am so totally consumed by work and absorbed with myself.

3 weeks to go as my mum reminded me...soon, my living nightmare woud be over. i hope then, i would relive and breathe with more ease and be more of who i was. i truly miss the joy of livin, bein happy, havin the ability to fulfill and be there for my loved ones. everyday is a numbin experience, whereby at the end of everyday, i juz wish i fall into the comforts of his arms or juz lie in bed or juz mind my own business.  juz want to be at the RECEIVING end.

it's pathetic tis past month or weeks but nonetheless, without such experiences, i would never noe, how low i could sink. yes, i'm not all that strong afterall. i need an escape route...i choose to take flight rather than fight. a clean break would probably lead me to a better path, insya Allah...hope Mesye is right.

good nite n happy week end everyone

Jez's next step!

Yeay!

From an online buddy in Multiply, to MSN Messenger chat buddy, to becomin my manager at Dance Atelier...Jez, u have been such a wonderful friend! And it was my pleasure to be there celebratin ur Weddin!

Ahah with Eidza and Adam at my table, hurhur..what more fun can it get (even iyuan was amused!)?! Totally had a blast! You were GORGEOUS my dear, and congrats to Calvin for gettin himself such a lovely wife!!

HAPPY NEWLY WEDS, Jez & Calvin! God Bless!!

I'm Graduatin too!!

Woohooo~~

All my results are in too!

I'll be joinin the girls in Convo!!

Thank u thank u thank u dear Lord, dear Rodiah, dear Lecturers, dearest Friends for helpin me thru this...it was a tough climb, but really enjoyable, i've since cherished my carefree student days, Aussie days, report-writin madness... also, it wouldn't be some kinda achievement without support from my dearest Mum & Mesye...and esp. my late dad...his hugs when i was disappointed with my Chemistry papers...his sponsorship for my studies....such pity tho, he can't be there physically and be part of my graduation potrait come July...

now thinkin of my career...cancer research..hmm...does startin out really have to be tis tough?? or should i turn to somethin else? oh dear Lord, help me, help me...have mercy on me, dear God...show me the way n ease tis journey...

Amiin

 

Mission: TO KILL!

Not to grow n kill, grow n kill!

HOw dumbfuck can i be.

2 times, same blunder!!

To drug is to kill and get the resistant ones to live.

What the hell am i doin here at work when i should be juz sleepin off my Saturday mornin.

Waste time, reagents, drugs!!

Stupid Overanxious me!!

 

What's New?

Nothing.

Insensitive= cannot feel beyond and but of my own pains

Fear= here

NUMB=anaesthetic replacement

Question=When the verve and brain juice are all sucked up, what is there left to spare for others?

Answer=COLD HEART which somehow still beats to some warmth called Love.

it's too COLD.

and it falls on you

it falls on you.