Saturday 22 November 2014

Valuing my Being

It's been months since my last update.

I feel like I have been through the deepest, darkest part of a rabbit hole and am in a position where I am striving hard to get myself out of it. I felt self-absorbed for the past months having to turn down invitations to hang out or have fun with friends and loved ones but spending more time reaching out to certain people, seeking deeper knowledge, craft jamming and clinging to God's rope even more. It finally dawned on me that I am on track, I am in the thick of a self awareness journey where there are bits of my life crumbling while in other aspects I sense, becoming. 

I could totally connect with Imam Muhammad Abdul Latif Finch's remark about life being a spiraling journey and the fuel for this journey is in Dhikrullah, the remembrance of Allah. I have been at my worst that alot of times my actions and thoughts are poisoned with negativeness especially towards a couple of people I love most and I could finally see how purifying MY heart first(istighfar instead of getting irritated) in response to pain (another person's action, that which I have no control over or I am not in favour of), helps me transform my state of well-being. It is BLOODY HARD. Yet the efforts are worth pursuing. I am still nowhere near where I hope to be but inshaa Allah, may He continually guide me as I continually walk tis journey in seekin Him & discoverin further my purpose in tis journey.

I have been asked to do deep thinking about life; my life and my career. From there I spend a lot of time in reflections and askin further questions. There have been soo much buzz(which I call dots) in my head that have taken so much of my time & energy tryin to string them. For now, here are my take aways (it's more for my own reference):


Value myself first. 
Know what my values are and stay true to them to feel most authentic.

Practise self-compassion
It is OK not to be OK, acknowledge my pain. I am worthy of kindness and care towards myself while going through pain. I am human not perfect.

Tawakkul & devote myself to the Creator first & foremostly
Start and see things with a grateful heart and ask am I doing something as an acknowledgement/worship of God with love (sincerity) or am I preocuppied with my Self striving to be perfect (fear of failing, losing)?

Let things unfold & unveil in the Lord's perfect timing. Observe, be aware and act.

Practise the same towards others. Show them that they are Valued and be compassionate and affectionate. Complement where possible.

Don't know if these things I noted, will they be relevant still in time but surely these are some of my learnings for now. The marvels of learning to unlearn and relearn. 

Praise God.









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