The whole of last week kinda felt like what I had to fight off last year. Painful dark sense of loss and gloom. I felt so tired & uninspired. I am not exactly sure if it is really the death of the minister mentor that griped me or maybe what I read about, complicated grief, that suddenly overwhelmed me.
I spent last week totally not looking into work but taking in every day as it comes. I kept crying and I feel like I have done nothing much for those around me as every day I was just fighting myself from crumbling emotionally. That or I was mostly sleeping. Tried to shake off the feeling while exploring Istana Woodneuk & rocking it out at Wall Climbing....yes in those moments, I lost myself but again the melancholy slips in.
Today, I made time to listen to the eulogies by the grandchildren of LKY upon gettin up. Pretty impressive, much admiration, peppered with aspirations & such eloquence. Li Hongyi's just resonated so much to me. He talked about the 3Cs of his Yeye and of his camera. Aren't we such vulnerable & sentimental beings?
I just cannot help reminiscin of times spent with Abah and Iyuan tis past week actually. The men who inspired & stirred my interest in photography & the ones who bought me my cameras. Is it any coincidence that I spent alot of my waking time taking photos instead of craftin or floral jammin? Perhaps it was a way to comfort my loss from death & going through divorce. Truly, I miss them both.
Yet I cannot remain tis way & I shall again, find my way. Mak needs me to be ok. She has been my pillar of strength & I am truly grateful for her still being here. For now perhaps, that should be what truly matter. Her.
And I will always try to remember that in the choices I make & the things I do, to emulate MM as he does the things he do. With Character, Clarity & Conviction....these are values that I shall cultivate of my journey, really hats off to some people who really make it look easy.
Nevertheless I thank God for whatever I am blessed with today, feels like I live a privilege life & may I reflect upon it every day & always give my best back with what I have & share the goodness that I possess.
Alhamdulillah.
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